Random Brain Hairballs from My Bike Commutes

I tend to go into meditative trances when riding to work. You would too if you took the same route day after day for 160 times a year for years on end.  Here’s are some hairballs by brain has cough up along the way:

  • If your quest for spiritual fulfillment and happiness is stressing you out, you’re probably doing it the wrong way. You should just say “fuggetaboudit” and go for a bike ride. Or a beer. Or a baseball game. Better yet, go for all three. There you will find a breeze, a buzz, and a frozen rope to the gap. Works for me.
  • Doesn’t it piss you off when you ask someone a straight question and you get back an answer to a question you didn’t ask? Its like trying to have a conversation and a press conference breaks out.
  • If I perceive that you are treating me with rudeness and disrespect, are you an asshole or is it just my imagination? I suppose it doesn’t much matter, because you won’t be hearing from me anymore.
  • There is nothing more irritating than dissembling wrapped up in a tidy package of spiritual philosophy or religious bafflegab.
  • Can there be a worse feeling than watching a crash slowly develop before your eyes and you can do nothing to stop it? Neil Finn got two songs out of watching his dog nearly get “bowled by a bus.”
  • Some friendships are like big novels. It takes a long time to get into the story at first. Over time the story has unexpected twists and turns that draw you in. Then you are completely into the story as it reaches its resolution. The author, apparently unwilling to stop writing, drags the damned book out for an unnecessary 100 pages, making you wish you hadn’t started reading it in the first place. When you’re done, however, you look back at the book with satisfaction and gratitude.
  • Other friendships are like a Bond movie. They start with a rousing and riveting beginning then settle down into a fun but less intense story line that you hope goes on for a long time and you get popcorn, too. You just hope there aren’t any people in the front row having a laugh at your expense.
  • True story from a soccer mom: High school girl is unattractive and dumpy. Envies the quarterback for all his cool. He doesn’t know she’s alive. Ten years later, the girl is an educated, successful, attractive single woman. Walks into a bar and sees the QB sitting at the bar. He’s a burned out, drunken shell of himself. He looks at her with lust in his eyes. She walks by and thinks to herself. “People should never peak in high school.”
  •  I’m pretty sure if I refrained from eating all the things I am told are bad for me, I’d be dead from acute arugula intoxification. Not a pretty sight.
  • You will never hear me utter the words “Can I have some corned beef and cabbage?” Had to eat it every so often as part of parental Irish ritual dinner sacrifice. Ack!
  • I may be wrong but it seems to me that using your Facebook friends list to generate your primary source of income is a sure way to end up with neither friends nor income.
  • I will never understand how sports teams let good players leave then spend billions for other teams’ expensive, disgruntled stars.
  • Flip side: holding onto old stars is great for sentimentality but lousy for winning games.
  • I liked Nationals Park when I first went. Now it has about as much appeal as a WalMart. Makes me nostalgic for the urine troughs in the men’s rooms at Fenway Park.
  • Genderless (genderfree? neuter?) bathrooms are starting to happen. It’s a long overdue development.
  • Note to the attractive young woman who passed me leisurely this morning: Did you know that the black tights you were wearing were transparent? You might want to go up one size on the panties because yours were seriously riding up. Then again, continue to dress in this fashion. I won’t need to drink as much coffee when I get to work.
  • Mocking a spiritual philosophy or religion on Twitter always brings out true believers who want to convert or enlighten me. Y’all need to chill.

And with that I will take my own advice and ride to the ball game.

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6 thoughts on “Random Brain Hairballs from My Bike Commutes

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